


A Misinterpretation

by orphan_account



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Episode: s09e16 Bless You Hawkeye, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sidney Freedman (mentioned) - Freeform, Skeptical about Psychiatrists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22206280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tag to Season 9, Episode 17 (16, according to AO3) in which BJ overhears Hawkeye yelling during his talk with Sidney
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Kudos: 52





	A Misinterpretation

Shifts like these were pointless, and BJ Hunnicutt would rather be sleeping. There were only three guys in Post-Op and all of them were stable. Kellye was at the desk in the corner, which was all the supervision the three snoozing soldiers needed. She told BJ about a half an hour ago that he could go back to the swamp, that she'd come and get him in the unlikely case of emergency, but he'd turned her down, saying that Potter would chew him out if something were to happen. He pulled out the letter he was writing to Peg and lied down, but after a few moments he was struggling to keep his eyes open. _Damn Hawkeye and his sneezing. Kept me up half the night._

"Kellye, I–" he started, but she cut him off.

"It's alright, doctor. I'll call you if anything happens." She smiled from her corner desk, glanced over the still sleeping patients, and returned to whatever she was working on.

BJ, too tired to argue, thanked her and walked out the door, briefly leaning against the tin siding to breathe in the cool air and listen to the Korean crickets.

"AHH, AHH!" BJs head darted in the direction of Hawkeye's sneezes in the VIP tent. He sighed. God, he loved Hawk, but right now he hated his nose.

BJ liked Sidney Freedman, but he didn't trust shrinks. Sure, Sidney had this relaxing aura to him, and was bad enough at poker that the game was actually fun, but it always felt like Sidney was never off work. Every word he spoke and every movement of his eyes seemed like he was working at your darkest secrets, even the ones you didn't know you had. At least with Father Mulcahy, you could decide whether you wanted to confess or not, Sidney worked it out of you with or without consent. And Hawkeye had a secret that earn them both a blue discharge and a lack of career. If BJ was being honest with himself, having Sidney around Hawk terrified him. He knew Hawkeye had some issues. Everyone in this war did, obviously, but Hawk… Hawkeye seemed like he had more than the typical case of army trauma. He and BJ had never talked about it. They always tried to keep things light, for better or for worse. He knew Hawk needed help that only Sid could give. BJ felt a pang of jealousy in his chest at the that. There were probably even things Sidney knew about Hawkeye that Hawkeye didn't know about himself, let alone his Capt. Hunnicutt. It pissed BJ off how ready Hawkeye was to bear his soul to Sidney, to be his sheep, when it took months for him to gather up the courage to admit that he had feelings for BJ, and more than that: it scared him.

Sure, they had problems in their relationship. Spats and fights. BJ's fingers twitched in memory from the time he broke the still and socked him in the eye. God, he'd regret that forever. The tension from that is still present, when comradary goes from tender to a little roughhousing, or whenever BJ goes on the bend, but his relationship with Hawkeye is easily the best thing since he came to Korea. At first it was a tango around BJ's marital guilt and Hawkeye's past relationship trauma, but they made it work, with the approval of Peg and Hawkeye's raw emotions.

 _But_ , he thought with a sigh as he pushed himself to stand independent of the wall, _Sid's my friend, and Hawk… Hawk's just mine_. He moved to hobble into the swamp when he heard Hawkeye yell.

"He PUSHED ME!" Hawkeye's voice rang through the camp as it so often did. BJ jumped at Hawk's raw wails, fighting the urge to run to the VIP tent and grasp Hawkeye, like he did when he woke up yelling from nightmares. He'd scream at Sidney, make him leave the poor man alone. BJ's his doctor. He'll fix it himself. But there was obviously something in Hawk's mind that was beating him up from the inside, and BJ had a feeling it was him. So he froze and listened to his best friend cry.

Canvas walls weren't exactly sound proof, and BJ was certain that everyone awake in the camp could hear Hawkeye's wails.

"Why'd he do that?! I loved him! I loved him! I–"

BJs blood boiled. _Oh my God._ He thought. _The whole camp knows. And if they know about Hawkeye, they'll figure out in a second that it's me, too. Everyone knows I punched him_ .He started running to the VIP tent. Hawk's screaming about their affair to the whole camp. _I'll never forgive Friedman. Our careers! Our friends! The bastard, I'll–_

"I hated him!"

BJ stopped dead, fifteen feet away from the tent. He what? He wasn't thinking about the camp, or Sidney, or his career. _Oh my God, what'd I do? I messed up the best thing in Korea. Oh God, Hawk_.

"Why did he push me!" Hawkeye demanded.

BJ tried to remember that drunken night when he punched Hawk. _I'm so sorry Hawk. I was drunk and mad. I wasn't home. I was so stupid. God, I'm sorry_.

There was murmuring in the tent, but BJ couldn't make out words. He figured he'd done enough damage to Hawkeye tonight. The last thing he needs is an angry BJ busting through the door. He turned around and walked stiffly back to the Swamp. On top of feeling physically drained, he was emotionally drained too. He opened the door to his tent, ignored the inquisitive look on Winchester's face, stripped off his pants and flopped on his cot. He ached for a drink, but that's what got Hawkeye into this whole mess in the first place. Instead he just closed his eyes and forced himself to sleep.

Hawkeye stumbled into the tent later that night. BJ woke up, but didn't stir, his back was turned to the door, but he could tell by the pattern of footsteps and the way the door opened that it was Hawkeye fumbling around. BJ could also tell from the lack of complaints at Hawkeye's loud entrance that it was past midnight, meaning BJ's shift was over and Charles was in Post-Op.

Hawkeye fumbled around some more and poured himself a drink, sitting down on the foot of BJ's cot. "Beej" he whispered, "Beej, I need to talk to you."

BJ rolled over, trying to push down the lump that was forming in his throat. He wasn't sure what was about to come, but he was surprised that Hawk was so ready to talk to him. He propped himself up on his elbow, and reached a long arm down to place his hand on Hawk's before he thought better of it.

Hawk wrapped his hand around BJ's and squeezed, flashing his teeth in the dim tent. "Listen, no sneezing. Sidney fixed me up."

"Hey, yeah! How'd he do that?" BJ asked, sounding cheery but dreading the answer, slightly taken aback by Hawk's friendliness to him.

Hawk nudged BJ to scooch over. Army cots were small and weak, certainly not big enough to hold two six-foot-something men, but over the last nine months they've figured out how to make it work.

Hawk partially laid on top of BJ, his head nuzzled in BJ's neck. "He made me remember something I tried to forget. It was horrible, Beej. I wish I would've stood up for myself."

Tears pricked at BJ's eyes. Why was Hawk being so nice to him? He caused this, hadn't he? "Hawk, oh God Hawk I'm so sorry. I can't tell you how many times I wish I could take it back." He quietly sobbed out.

Hawkeye picked his head up. "What are you talking about, BJ? You didn't push me out of that boat. Not unless there's something you're not telling me?" He teased, obviously understanding the misunderstanding.

The boat? "What boat, Hawk? There was no boat. I punched you, remember? After I broke the still." Two tears leaked out.

"BJ," Hawk cracked a sympathetic grin. "Beej, you're not still upset about that, are you? I forgave you before my shiner even stopped shining. You don't think–? Are you kidding? I wasn't sneezing my brains out over that." He shook his arm and pressed his lips to his neck. "We're okay, you and me, we're better than okay."

BJ let out a sigh, feeling stupid. "I'm sorry, Hawk. I just thought…. so what was it?"

Hawkeye pulled away. "My cousin. Billy, remember me talking about him?" BJ nodded against Hawkeye's head in response. "When I was seven, he pushed me into a pond. I nearly drowned, I was so scared. He pulled me up, told me he saved me. I guess it was easier to forget that he also nearly killed me."

BJ could feel his neck getting wet. He pulled Hawkeye closer.

"Sid stopped there, but– I just keep remembering all this stuff he used to do to me as a kid. It's like... it's like a dam burst in my memories" Hawkeye let out a small sob. "Beej, it's bad. It's really bad. I thought I loved him, but…. I–I think he made me this way." He was shaking now, emotion breaking through his voice. BJ fully turned them on their sides, letting Hawk curl into him and wrapping a leg over his knee. Hawkeye was only an inch or two shorter, and maybe 20 pounds lighter, but BJ couldn't fathom how fragile he felt sometimes.

"He uses to take me into the hayloft of my uncle's barn." Hawkeye whispered, clutching BJ's pink shirt that used to be bright red. "He'd tell me to take off my clothes and lay on the bales. Like we were playing doctor or something. He'd touch me, Beej, and make me touch him. I was just a kid, he was six years older than me. I thought it was just a game, damn it! He'd... he'd go inside me. It hurt so much. He was my cousin. I was just a kid, what did I know? I couldn't tell anyone. Oh my God. Oh God, he bent me. I'm so sorry Beej."

Hawkeye was crying again, screaming into BJ. BJ held onto him as tightly as he could. He and Hawk never talked about anything this heavy before. How much they hated the war, a mutual understanding that they were too afraid to go to sleep when the shelling was close, sure, but this? How was he–? What was he supposed to do? He rocked him slowly on the creaky mattress and whispered. "That's not how it works, Hawk. You know that's not how it works. No matter what Billy did to you, we're real and you're you. I love you because you're funny, and brave, and a good man, not because of what your cousin did to you twenty five years ago in the dark. I'm so sorry, Hawk. I'm so, so, sorry that happened."

"I love you." Hawk whispered into his chest. "I know I do. I _know_ I do." Hawk reached up and kissed his neck, sucking on the prickly skin.

BJ moaned, but pulled away. Hawkeye scooched up. "Hawk, I don't know if you're in the right state to be…" but Hawkeye persisted.

"You're not Billy. I know that. You're BJ Hunnicutt: the best man I've ever met. I'm Hawkeye Pierce, your…" Hawkeye faltered. What was he to BJ? No word was right. "... I'm yours." He corrected, failing to find a word that fit. "Yours and Peg's, if she'll have me. I know what I'm doing. I need this right now, and you need to put your mouth to work, specifically me." He planted his lips on BJs, and got him going before letting BJ take over. BJ flipped Hawkeye under him, feeling his scrappy lover beneath him. All bones and tendons and yet somehow BJ found himself moaning into Hawk's mouth, which caused a fit of muffled giggles from the older man.

 _Billy never did this_ , Hawkeye thought, and the fact that he enjoyed kissing another man comforted him. He opened his mouth, inviting the ever hesitant blonde's tounge in, mustache not welcome.

BJ brought his hands up beside Hawk's head, gently pulling on his hair and ears. With his thumb he brushed the black stubble on his cheek up and down, taking it slow. Necking was fine, BJ decided, but nothing more tonight. He detached himself from Hawk's mouth, fingers running circles around Hawkeye's ears, as he slowly kissed his nose, then each of his eyes, and his right temple, falling to his side as his hands began to rub Hawk's neck, probing at the soft skin under his jaw. He ran one hand down his left arm, the other rubbing circles on his chest, trying to get him to relax. Their legs were still tangled though, hips more or less aligned, and Hawk began to gently rut.

It took a great deal of will power not to show any signs of how good that felt. He didn't want to encourage him. So, BJ just continued kissing his temples and rubbing large, slow circles on his chest, letting Hawk rut harder and harder until he stilled, bottom half twitching. When he was done, BJ pulled the spent Hawkeye into a tight embrace.

Still panting slightly, Hawk kissed him. "Your turn–"

"Not tonight," BJ said adding a fake yawn, "too tired,"

Hawkeye nodded, understanding. "Thank you," He murmured into his mouth.


End file.
